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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096124">What I would have missed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_cant_find_a_name/pseuds/I_cant_find_a_name'>I_cant_find_a_name</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Friendship/Love, Post-Episode: s07e17 All Things, Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:14:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_cant_find_a_name/pseuds/I_cant_find_a_name</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What Mulder and Scully shared between her falling asleep on his couch and her dressing to leave in the morning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What I would have missed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She slowly came to consciousness, becoming gradually aware of her surroundings, as her brain started to tick over. She knew she wasn’t in her bed. She was upright, sat on a couch; not her couch, so not in her apartment. Without wanting to open her eyes, which would prompt the true end of the sleep she had slipped into, exhausted, a few hours earlier, she relied upon her other senses to get her bearings. The couch was leather, and his scent was all around, so she knew she was at his place. She was fully clothed still and a blanket had been placed over her. She nuzzled down into it, absorbing his comforting smell and felt safe, content. Her brain remained vacant of conscious thought, unwilling to wake up further, but she couldn’t get comfortable so eventually she gave up, opening her eyes.</p><p>She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark; the only light in the room being his fish tank, a blue-green mingling with the amber of a street lamp outside. She pulled herself up and padded quietly into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. The clock on his oven announced that it was 2:20am as she leaned against the counter, looking across the apartment and through the open bedroom door to where he lay sleeping. She smiled quietly as she thought about the man lying there; the man she had devoted her life to – professionally and personally. She felt the love bubbling up inside her and she couldn’t bear to be separated from him any longer so, putting her glass down, she walked towards his peaceful form. </p><p>Whilst they had been working together and friends for seven years, it had only been in the past few months that they had become lovers, even though they had been in love with one another almost from the beginning. She couldn’t pinpoint the moment her mind had stopped seeing him as simply a colleague and friend and started seeing him as the man she couldn’t bear to live without; it had crept up on her over time – she certainly had not planned to fall for her work partner. He had told her that he realised it when she was abducted, like he’d lost a limb, or his heart had been ripped out of his chest. She smiled at the thought; she had known he was incredibly protective of her from very early on, despite their differences, and she had always been comforted and felt safe with him beside her.</p><p>She mused on the story of their partnership as she took off her clothes, stripping down to just her panties, quietly folding them and putting them on a chair that doubled up as his clothes hanger. Silently she slipped into his bed and snuggled up to him, her head resting on his shoulder as she wrapped her arm around his body. She moved her head up to kiss him on the edge of his lips, gently, so as not to wake him. She just wanted him to envelope her, to wrap her up in his arms and never let go. She felt her breasts pushed against his skin and she could feel herself glowing in the dark, filled with the warmth of their love. She smiled and allowed herself to start drifting back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Part of him didn’t want to move as she fell asleep on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder, after she’d told him about her weekend without him, whilst he had crazily hopped on a plane over to England. He had been smarting slightly at her rejection; he was so used to her following him on his latest mad caper, but now she was there beside him, as beautiful as ever, as he brushed a strand of hair from her face. He had pulled a blanket up over her and carefully eased himself up off the couch. He had pottered about doing his night-time routine. She looked so peaceful, he didn’t want to disturb her even though he longed to have her curl up beside him in bed.</p><p>He had struggled to get to sleep, wondering about how Scully’s life could have been so different were it not for him, for his crusade, for how she had become collateral damage. Gradually the tiredness had overwhelmed him and he’d fallen into a fractious sleep. He came to as he felt her slight body crawl into the space next to him, wrapping herself over him. He smiled peacefully, reassured that she still loved him, that their relationship hadn’t been diminished by her meeting her old lover, the man who had once held all her focus. He couldn’t help that he had felt threatened by this man; a man who obviously still roused feelings of love in her, who still loved and wanted her. He felt destabilised by him, and realised how he had come to depend on her, so much more than he had thought he could. He suddenly understood how hard it had been for her to see his ex, Agent Fowley, infringe upon their relationship and he had a new empathy towards the pain he had seen in her face.</p><p> </p><p>She felt his arm squeeze around her, pulling her close, as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She loved how he kissed her forehead – as he did her – it had become the place where they had focused their intimacy for years as they sidestepped their true emotions for one another.</p><p>“Scully?” he gently spoke into her hair, his voice filled with sleep.</p><p>“Mmm?” she sleepily returned.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>She forced herself to wake up more – albeit unwilling to open her eyes – concerned by his apology, wary that he had been churning things over and over in his mind. She half-knew why he was apologising, but quietly waited for him to go on. She half-consciously snuggled her head deeper into him, signalling him to proceed, that he was protected by her love even though it was his arms gathering her in.</p><p>“Do you regret leaving him? Joining the FBI? Being stuck with a mad man in the basement?” he ventured tentatively.</p><p>She let out a little giggle. “Definitely a mad man!” She paused, but sensed that his fears were not abated by her giggle and the curl of her lips against him, and continued, “Mulder, I don’t regret the decisions I made; I would do it all over again...”</p><p>“You could have had a husband, a career in medicine, children,” he interjected.</p><p>She pulled herself up on to her elbow, her eyes open staring into his with her steely, determined gaze. She could see his eyes riddled with anxiety and sadness. “You know, better than anyone, that not being able to have a child is the greatest sadness in my life,” she paused and took a breath to steady herself as she saw the pain in his eyes matched hers. “But I also know that you are not responsible for what happened to me. In fact, you gave me the chance to at least try for a baby that was denied to the other women they took, not least of all by agreeing to be the father of that child years before we were a couple!”</p><p>He grinned at that. “I knew you loved me in that moment.”</p><p>“You have no idea how hard it was to ask you something so personal, I felt like I was putting everything on the line, that you could crush me with one two-letter word. But I couldn’t bear the idea of anyone else being the father of my child; I still can’t,” she added. “I knew asking you was a huge risk, that it was confessing that I loved you without saying it, but you didn’t back away from me, you stood by...”</p><p>“and jerked off in a cup for you!” They both laughed, and then paused, staring at each other with such love and devotion.</p><p>“Mulder,” she continued, steadily controlling her voice so that he could tell the sincerity of her words, “if I’d stayed with Daniel, destroying his marriage, I would be a lesser person.”</p><p>He looked at her inquisitively.</p><p>“Yes, I would probably have been married, had children and been a doctor, but I don’t think I would have been truly happy. Seeing Daniel again over this weekend, whilst it did bring back the love we shared, I saw that he was wrong for me. He had not moved on; he still saw me as a young woman he could have power over... He wanted a relationship which wasn’t equal, he wanted me to depend upon him... He wanted to control me and tell me what to think.</p><p>“You respect me. You don’t need me to agree with you. You don’t tell me what to think. We are so different but we value that. This love is deeper, more accepting, more equal. With you I am whole; I can be the best version of me. You see and believe in my strength and, in so doing, you make me even stronger.”</p><p>In the darkness she could see the softness of his gaze; that the angst from a few moments ago was gone, and he was rebuilt by her words. She remembered him looking at her like that the first time they kissed, and how it made her heart skip a beat. </p><p>“Scully?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>He pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss, their tongues caressing one another’s. He held her closely, almost unwilling to let her go, as her hand glided down his body and slipped into his boxers. He pulled away from their kiss and gave her a cheeky, inquisitive look that made her roll her eyes before leaning back into another kiss, as her hand stroked his member which promptly reacted to her touch. Over the months, they had grown accustomed to one another’s bodies; they knew what one another responded to and how to drive the other insane with desire. Tonight they moved slowly, deliberately, reverently as they made love, silently affirming their feelings for the other; a love that had deepened beyond words in looking back at the paths they had taken to reach this moment together.</p><p> </p><p>She woke up to the early morning sun filtering into the bedroom and felt him curled around her, his head nuzzling the back of her neck. She moved to get out of bed but he felt her movement and tightened his hold on her, unwilling to let her go.</p><p>“Don’t go,” he mumbled, “it’s too early.” </p><p>He sleepily planted kisses on her neck and shoulder, sending electricity throughout her body, which begged her to stay. She let out a little groan, half frustration, half arousal. She felt his grin against her skin and knew he felt he was winning the battle between her desire and need to leave.</p><p>“I have to go, Mulder,” she begged.</p><p>“No you don’t.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes as she rolled over to face him, finding the mischievous twinkle in his expression. She rested her forehead against his and sleepily smiled back at him. She didn’t want to leave this moment, she willed it to go on forever, for time to stand still, for sleep to take her over, as his eyes fluttered shut, his smile unabated.</p><p>Try as she might, she couldn’t shut her brain down as it started to plan out the day; she needed to get up, shower, dress, head home, change into fresh, clean clothes for work, apply fresh make up, fit in a slice of toast and get to the office where they would reunite. She lay there thinking where she could shave time from the morning to enable her to stay a little longer with him. Seeing him at work was not the same as staying in his arms in this moment, as she maintained an enforced professionalism once in the office or on assignment. She tried to pull away again, but his arms just pulled her closer, and she felt his erection against her groin and her blood raced from her brain down to her clit. </p><p>She pulled her face back to take him in, to study his face, so gentle and contented. She kissed his forehead, his cheek and finally his lips and felt him glow as he opened his mouth to allow the kiss to deepen. Subconsciously her hips started to rock against him, her clit rubbing against his thigh.</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled as he pulled away from her kiss and opened his eyes to take in her beauty. He saw her glowing, and knew he’d defeated her resolve to get up as he felt her hot, wet vagina grinding against his leg.</p><p>“You’re going to be late for work,” he chuckled into her mouth as they resumed their kisses.</p><p>“Shut up Mulder,” she nipped at his bottom lip, urging him on.</p><p>His hand slid down her back and curled under her as he stroked her, goading her rocking onwards. Suddenly he pulled her up off his thigh and against his now solid cock. He felt her grinding her clit against him. The urgency of her kisses and movements against him told him she wanted him inside her and the hand guiding her hips dropped down to guide himself into her. </p><p>He felt his entire body light up as he felt her around him, slick and hot and somehow perfectly fitting him. He started to match her movements thrusting into her. Through his arousal he found himself basking in how perfect she was; how humbled he was to be the one she had chosen to love, to share her life with. He kissed her desperately, hoping that kiss could convey all the emotion his heart was exploding with.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands dropped down to his hips guiding his thrusts into her, a million sparks of electricity wherever her skin made contact with his. The sensation of him drove her insane, her hunger for him seemed insatiable. She wanted him inside her, his cock, his tongue; she wanted to become one with him, consumed by him even as she engulfed him. She pulled him over so he was on top of her, enabling him to go deeper within her; wrapping her legs about him, as they took over from her hands which now hungrily grabbed at his sides, curling up to his shoulders where her nails gently dug into his skin.</p><p>She pulled herself up to his face craving his kiss, noting how much more urgent, more carnal this was compared to the tender, awed devotion of their love making in the early hours of the night. She was buzzing feeling his body rubbing against her clit with each thrust inside her. Her back started to arch up, telling him she was close; she wanted to push against him harder, angling herself so as to tip herself over the cliff into the freefall of her cascading orgasm. She pulled his head to hers, forehead against forehead as she bit her lip, all her focus on their movement as she reached the precipice.</p><p> </p><p>He allowed himself to open his eyes to watch her beneath him, pulling his head away from hers. He could see the determined concentration on her face, which was flushed and damp with sweat. He noted how her bottom lip was sucked under her upper teeth. Her eyes squeezed shut, focusing her sensations on touch. He continued to thrust into her; faster, deeper, willing her to let go and come crashing down around him. She seemed to have forgotten to breathe, and then as her back arched again he felt her let go and shake around him, her hips convulsing and bucking uncontrollably as she let out her breath.</p><p>He needed no more excuses to hold on and he released and allowed himself to come inside her. There was something animal about that action, he noted. A deep biological need to plant his seed within her, to make her his... Not in a domineering way, but an urge stemmed from some basic instinct to mate, to procreate, to fill her in order to watch her belly swell with his child. He had never felt that way with anyone else. Only her. Only Scully. And with that came the sad realisation that that could never be; that this love they shared, that made them whole, would not result in that ultimate expression of their love through a child.</p><p>As their bodies settled, he leant down to her and they kissed. A kiss that said a thousand expressions of love to one another, and was then followed with countless peppered kisses as they smiled at one another, teased and giggled. He rolled over on to his side, untangling himself from her, and tried to memorise her in that moment, his fingers gently stroking the skin on her side.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and pulled herself up and away from him. He half-heartedly held on to her hand as she stood up but she let it drop as she turned from him. As he flopped back down on his back, she headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower to get it to heat up as she brushed her teeth: the only concession in both their apartments that they were in a relationship was the additional toothbrush in the pot. As she stood under the hot water she saddened a little, knowing she was washing him off her skin. She quietly dried and pulled on her clothes before looking back at his now sleeping form. </p><p>She walked back over to him and gently planted a kiss goodbye on his forehead before she quietly slipped away.</p>
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